Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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