Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
