i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
