I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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