So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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