dude i'm inner monologue high
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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