A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
