Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize