Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
