At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
