Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
