the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
