it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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