If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
