I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
