I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You can't just leave with hair like that
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
