I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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