Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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