i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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