In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
