Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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