no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
