making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
