it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
