the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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