do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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