Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
