Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So vagazzling was a success
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize