? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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