I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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