I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
