Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
