I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
