: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
