Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
