Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
