The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
