I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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