My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
