the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
