I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
