While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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