Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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