so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need to calm my uterus...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
