I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
