So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
