who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
