Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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