I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
