omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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