I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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