i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize