Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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