If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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