Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
