FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize