I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
