Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So squirting runs in the family.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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