Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize