Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
