The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
