There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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