so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
