the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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