it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
