the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
