Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
