Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
