God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
