dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
