i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
