M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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