Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
