Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
as a side note pls kill me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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