shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
