thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
