I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize