My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
