My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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