Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
