FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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