I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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