R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
