we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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