It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
COCAINE IS GR8
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
