I could have mohawked her pubes.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Randomize
