I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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